I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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