drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
