he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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