I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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