I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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