so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
