I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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