I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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