"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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