We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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