this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
