I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
