My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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