I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
