i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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