he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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