dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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