ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
