I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
