Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
