So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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