school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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