I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
