her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize