So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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