He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
