You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
