so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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