maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
