tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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