help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
