I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
