wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
