I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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