After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
