RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
handjob tips. give me some.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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