my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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