yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
