Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
