I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
