Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dick very happy bro
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
