the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
