We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
