Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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