okay pat passed out under dana's car
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize