They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
