she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's blow job season.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
