He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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