reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
