I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
