franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
