just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Found your dick twin last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
