Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
