my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
