if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
