i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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