my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
