she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
