I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
