I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
