Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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