'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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