when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
