My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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