This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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