Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
