btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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