I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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