there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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