it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
