Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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