im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
