If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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